i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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