You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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