my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
