Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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