I just pynch a tree in the face
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
