I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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