i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
