I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
