At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
