Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
