But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
