I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
