Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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