if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
