someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
