He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
