Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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