next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
