Only a mothe r could love this liver
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
