Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
