can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
