I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
