OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Two words: blizzard sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
