He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
