well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
