Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
