he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
