I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
