as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
