She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
