You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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