can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
