The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
