There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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