Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
