I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
last night I used snow as a chaser
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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