we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
