I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
