I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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