walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
