I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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