Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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