so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
