a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
