I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
