Soap is not a condiment
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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