I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
