Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
