it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hippo gnu deer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
