Even the bartender felt bad for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
