Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
